Saturday, April 14, 2012

What does No mean?




God,
In this moment I sense your pleasure, I sense your delight. I see your love.  Love that has been reaching to me, love that has not been received for days maybe weeks maybe months.  Love unreceived.  

How many times have I pushed away love that wanted to heal, love that wanted to comfort, love that wanted to surprise me, love that wanted to awaken my dead heart. Love that said, Jen I love you even though you hurt… Jen, I love you even though the answer is no.  You keep asking and I keep saying no and over time you have decided that no means I don’t love you but I love you despite the no’s. ..Jen, I love you even when you want and I don’t give. 
 
My eyes have never stopped watching over you.  My thoughts of you have been many.  I have been there and I will never leave you. I have bottled up your tears. I’m good, Jen, I’m good.  

How I wish you didn’t have to hurt and grieve and suffer loss but it is the truth that in this world you will have many troubles but take heart Jesus has overcome and so will you, trust me. Trust my love, trust my care.  I will take care of you. I will comfort. I will satisfy.

It’s ok to cry but don’t let your tears push me away. It’s ok to feel sorrow but let me fill your longings. For I have a plan and it is oh so good. I want to let you experience all the good I have stored up for you but you keep telling me NO. You keep telling me that my ways aren’t good.  You keep telling me that I’m not good.

I listen, I hear you but Jen it’s just not true.  I’m good, I’m holy, I’m love and even though you kick and scream I will not change.  For I Am who I Am. When you trust you will see and know love that has been reaching and waiting to be received. 

I believe. I trust. I surrender. I receive. 

Once again my heart sings out, “But as for me I will always have hope; I will praise you more and more.  My mouth will tell of your righteousness, of your salvation all day long though I know not its measure”. Psalm 71:14-15

3 comments:

  1. What wonderful truths here. This is a blessing.

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  2. Jen, thanks for sharing your conversation with our Creator. Your openness is inspiring! :) love you!

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