Wednesday, June 18, 2014

For this Child I have Prayed...




February 22, 2014
2 Pink Lines:  We are pregnant!!!


March 28,2014
We got to see and hear the heartbeat for the first time


    May 9, 2014
We are adding a new holiday to the calendar this year: Baby Stolz's due date 11/6/2014



May 11, 2014
Celebrating my 1st Mother's Day as a Mother-To-Be with my mom and two of my sisters

June 11, 2014

Excited and a little nervous we arrived at the doctor's office for my 19 week ultrasound. We were pleasantly surprised by how quickly the nurse called us back to the room.  The ultrasound technician joined us and the first thing she did was find the baby's heartbeat. I let out a sigh of relief and smiled one giant sized smile.  Nothing makes me happier than hearing the heart beat of the precious little gift growing inside me. A little foot showed up on the screen and I just giggled within.  It truly was a miracle to see two little feet kicking all around.  Soon the little beating heart was there for us to see. I laid there quietly taking it all in. A little hand and arm appeared and it almost seemed as if our baby was trying to suck on his or her thumb.  The technician moved to the head and as hard as she tried she couldn't quite get a profile picture for us.  She said it was difficult as the baby was moving around so much.  She left the room and then we waited for what seemed to be a really long time.  We passed the time by looking up the size of our baby on a chart that compared the size of a baby to a type of fruit.  Our baby was currently the size of heirloom tomato.  I told Joe how I had moments where I could hardly believe this was my life, I'm pregnant! We are going to be parents!  

Finally the doctor came in and she asked us if we already had nieces and nephews and we shared all about our families while she looked once more at images with the ultrasound. As hard as it is I can't get the image out of my mind when she said, " I want to talk to you about the ultrasound now...I see several points of concern.  The baby's brain and skull did not develop and there is no diaphragm so the bowels are pushing up on the baby's heart.  There is no chance your baby will live outside the womb".   In shock I laid there. Did she really just say what I heard. I know we must have asked her 3 or 4 times  if the baby had any chance to live and each time the answer was no.  Quickly the conversation turned to next steps: blood test, amniocentesis, genetic testing. How can you think of next steps when all you want to do is cry. We left the office with no pictures of our baby and tears streaming down our cheeks.  

The tears were endless and the night was long. Early the next morning I lay there in bed trying to wake up and figure out how to face the day.  As I laid there I began to cry some more as I thought about how these next few months would be the only time we would have with our first baby and how there were so many things we were looking forward to doing together as a family.  So as hard as it was to get the words out I told Joe we could begin today with making those memories and as odd as it may feel we could take our baby on the adventures we had one day hoped to do together


June 13, 2014: Our first family outing to downtown 
Getting ready to ride the train


Love .. Love .. Love


A few of the animals we saw at the zoo

After hours of walking we stopped for some delicious Thai Food

It was healing, it was hard, it was fun to make memories downtown, on the train and at the zoo.  I so wish I could one day take our sweet baby to the zoo and watch his or her reactions to all the animals but for now I cherish the time the three of us had together this past weekend.

                   June 14, 2014       
Happy Father's Day to The World's Greatest Father -To-Be

June 18,2014

Exactly one week has passed since we heard the news our baby has anencaphaly  as well as several other health issues.  Some days have been easier than others. We are hurting and learning to grieve together. Moments like these change you forever.  My constant prayer has been God please help me love you more and to love others more. I sat for a long time with God the other day just thinking about how precious life is and how human beings truly are the most valuable, special creation. Yet at times I feel like we just look past people and move on with the tasks of the day.  I don't want that to be true of me but sadly I know it is something I do each day but how I do pray I will have more of God's heart and  love for all people.  This precious baby inside is changing me, bringing me joy and drawing me close to Jesus. 

Thank you to the many family and friends who have written to us, prayed for us and showed us love.  The peace we feel during this time comes from God and the amazing community he has given to us.


9 comments :

  1. Oh Jennifer, Thank you for being so transparent and loving. You and Joe are such special wonderful people. I know God choose you to parent this little angel and His grace is sufficient. I am crying with you and praying constantly. I love you. ~Judi

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  2. Dear Jen - what a beautifully written blog that shows your heart.
    what strength you have. Joe & I will pray. God has special plans...I can't imagine how your heart hurts.

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  3. Jen, I'm reading and praying and weeping with and for you. You have such a mother's heart! I can't begin to fathom how this journey is for you. But know your example bears fruit. Even in this post - your line about just wandering through doing daily things without seeing the people in our lives - that stuck out at me.
    Last night Andrew (5) was praying for the rain to stop. He was panicky and upset and said, "Mommy! It's not working - AAargh! Why isn't He answering me?!" How do you explain these things to a five year old? And encourage him to pray? I know I will be sharing your story with him.

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  4. Jen--I don't know you, but went to high school with your cousin Melissa. She posted your blog on FB so I read it. Unfortunately, I can sympathize with what you are facing. A doctor uttered those terrible words to us also during my first pregnancy. Even though they are devastating, don't let those doctor's words keep you from loving this baby, enjoying this miracle of pregnancy, and being a family of three. God will use this baby to change people--ones you know and others who watch you from a distance. Remember that God loves you and this baby. Sometimes His plans aren't what we would ever choose, but it's always for our good. Your story is very similar to a book "I Will Carry You" by Angie Smith. It's a great read--whenever you're ready. I will be praying for you and your family over the next several months. Please let me know if I can help in anyway--allyson.foster (at)gmail(dot)com.

    Allyson Foster
    Our Story: http://robandallyson.blogspot.com/p/junebugs-story.html

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  5. Jen.... I am so, so sorry for your news. I have walked a very similar path. My son, Isaac, was diagnosed at 12 weeks gestation with a series of congenital birth defects, and at 20 weeks learned his condition was fatal. I carried him to term, and my husband and I welcomed our sweet son to the world on October 7, 2008. He lived for 16 minutes.

    I would love to support you in any way that I can... please feel free to contact me at stacy.delisle (at) gmail.com

    I will be praying for you, would be more than happy to talk with you.

    Stacy Delisle

    Isaac's Story: http://sgirl79.blogspot.com

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  6. Thank you for sharing so openly so you can grieve, plan, and let us know what specific prayer needs you have for us to bring before God daily. I do not know you, but know that my mind and heart and prayers will be focused on your sweet family. No matter what the doctors say, this precious child is a MIRACLE of God's creation and a perfect part of God's plan in this world. Not something we can understand, but truth nonetheless. Hugs and prayers across the miles.
    Blessings,
    Clara-Leigh Evans
    Homedale, ID
    friend of Cheryl Caffee's

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  7. Thank You all for your words, prayers and love. It is so encouraging to hear from friends, family and new friends during this time. I appreciate you all and will take time to look at your stories, thank you for being willing to share with me.

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  8. Jen & Joe, You are an amazing couple who's walk with the Lord is nothing short of glorious. You are a testimony of the peace that surpasses all human understanding. That peace is being born out of your amazing relationship with your heavenly Father. My heart grieves for your daily concerns and continual need to persevere. May the Lord continue to reveal Himself to you in greater and greater ways. Thank you for sharing so intimately. You are loved.

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  9. Hello everyone, i am here to share my testimony on how i conceived my baby. i have been married to my husband for 12years without no issue.i had problems with my in-laws even my husband started to have new affairs aside our marriage. it was a very terrible thing to bear. i became a laughing stock among my pear, i prayed and fasted and nothing happened. i was now seen as always unhappy.i was even ready to pack out of my marital home and stay on my own because my husband was not given me any attention that i needed from him. i decided to focus on my job and try to live happy on my own. on this faithful day, i decided to check the internet for updates on healthy living and i came across a story of a man called Dr Orissa who helped his wife to conceive a baby. i decided to give him a try because this has been my greatest problem in life. today i am a proud mother with a son. words will not be enough to explained what this man did for me.i am a happy mother,i know there is someone in same condition and you feel there is no way. i urge you to contact him. This is the solution to every single mother around the globe. distance is not a barrier, he will surely make your dreams come trough. contact him today via email: (orissatemple@yahoo.com) you want your lover back or any other miracle in your life, contact him today so the world can be a better place to live.

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