Monday, October 13, 2014

How do you say goodbye when you never really wanted to?

I cried through the whole song....I can't remember more than the one line "How do you say goodbye when you never really wanted to."  It was my sister's senior year of high school and  they closed their last choir show with this song. I wasn't the only one in tears. Goodbyes are never easy and some prove to be harder than others. I have tried hard to avoid goodbyes and the goodbyes I have had to face have been messy, tear-filled, headache inducing experiences.

Over the last few months I've spent most of my days living in the present, enjoying our adventures with Zoe and savoring every kick and move she makes.  Just today she kicked a nice big kick while I was at work. I stopped what I was doing, put both of my hands on my belly, closed my eyes and took in the whole experience. I love these kind of moments. But at the same time this week I've found myself thinking about how we are going to have to say goodbye far sooner than we ever planned. We know we need to pack a bag for the hospital but we keep putting it off as it just hurts to think about our time with Zoe coming to a close. We love her so much and no words will ever describe how much her time with us has touched us. She has given us opportunities to spend fun times as a family, to experience a love that is deeper than we knew possible, to grow in trust, to celebrate through sorrow, to be parents and so much more. I look at her picture every day and can't get over how cute she is.  In just three short weeks we will get to hold her in our arms.  Every day we pray God gives us just a few short minutes with her and of course I tell him I would welcome even more time.

As hard as this goodbye will be I will cling to truth that it will only be for a short time and that one day we will all be together again. I will let the many memories we have made together carry me through the hard days.  Because truly there have been more smiles than tears and more joys than sorrows while this little beauty has been growing day by day in my tummy.

So with three weeks until Zoe's due date we will go on a few more adventures together.  Two weekends ago we had hoped to go on a outdoor adventure but the weather was super chilly and rainy so instead we had a fire in the fireplace, made smores and watched a Disney movie together. I had been craving a smore and one of my favorite childhood memories was all our family camping trips. So even though we didn't get to take Zoe camping we got to introduce her to a small part of what makes for a good camping trip... a fire, smores and time spent with those you love.

Daddy getting the fire started

Ready to roast our marshmellows

Zoe and Mommy are seconds away from delighting in a perfect smore

This weekend was a special treat as we spent it with some family.  Kristen, Drew and Kimmy drove up to spend the weekend with us.  We ate, we took pictures, we ate some more, we played games and we ate some more!  But most of all we had fun together.  I'm super thankful that Kristen asked if she could come up and take pictures of the three of us because I would have skipped maternity photos and would have missed out. I love all the pictures she captured of us.